Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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