is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
