someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
