You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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