I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
