You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
