I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
