I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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