Don't make out with my wife yet
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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