he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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