my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
