In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
