Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
