I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
