Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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