That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
