You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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