halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
