You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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