i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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