I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
