so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
