I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
