I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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