Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Holy sore nipples Batman
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
