Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
