Whats the glycemic index on semen?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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