Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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