i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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