oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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