the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
