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I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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