my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
