a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
