my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
