So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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