And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
