I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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