Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
