I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
