Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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