pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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