His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
