What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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