i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
