So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
