So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
