Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
