At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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