Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
