i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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