I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
