She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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