well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
